Shake down in Chi-town

Facial Discrimination

Cruising the white mini-van through Chicago after snagging some groceries from Whole Foods.  Andrew Ratzlaff was riding shot-gun and I was driving. Next thing I know there are flashing lights in the rear-view “what’s happening?” I said.

“Ugh, looks like your getting pulled over” says Ratzlaff.  I pulled the mini van onto the side of the road, but there wasn’t really a shoulder as it was a busier road. Next to the curb two out of shape officers approach the van rather quickly and order me to give him  my license and insurance. I handed my license over while Andrew rolled down his window addressing the other cop ” what’s up dude” fumbling for the insurance of the rental car. “Oh you boys are from Colorado huh?!” Immediately  demands we both get out of the car, now these dudes were serious, definitely not fucking around. Knowing we had nothing to hide Andrew and myself willingly hopped out of the automobile.

“Put your fu*$ing hands on the car” Our hands immediately were placed on the car so these power trippers don’t shoot us. Our legs get kicked apart and bodies get fully padded down. “You boys have any weapons or drugs?”

“No drugs sir I’m an athlete but I have a box cutter in my back pocket” I say nervously. Not because I had a box cutter but because I was just pulled out of my van and thrown against the side of it.

“Why do you have a box cutter?”  the officer says very aggressively. Looking at both of us as if we were  criminals.

“For opening BOXES” I say a little irritated, with the duh expession on my face. The cop tilts his head and looks at me  through the tops of his eyes. I just looked back down at the hood of the cop car avoiding eye contact.

“What is all of this about?” Andrew says to the cop near us while the other pig is totally ravaging through everything in our van. “Yeah I’m kind of nervous right now” I said my legs were shaking pretty good thinking about being cuffed and thrown into the back of a cop car.

“Why” the cop responded ” You shouldn’t be nervous if you have nothing to worry about.”Then they just continued to question us about everything What are you doing here, where did you get this van, what do you do for work. The cop says ” Well, we got a call from  dispatch saying there was a mini-van in the area trying to pick up little girls. “Definitely not us” sputters Andrew. We look at each other with huge eyes and we were both thinking; these guys think we are pedophiles.

2 guys+2 mustaches+1 minivan= Pedophiles.

Eventually after running our names the cops toss both of us our licenses back to us and say sorry, you guys are legit, have a nice day.

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